Characterization Process Writing Assignment Draft 2 Name: Jeremy Chan (2) Class: 5G Date: 21/07/09
List of Characters 1.Tom – A very playful and mischievous person who likes to play pranks on others. He is also quite talkative. He has made fun of many of his classmates, and as a result, not many people like him. Sometimes, he also likes to crack jokes in class.
2.Jim – Just a small character with no personalities
3.Ben – A curious boy, he is the smartest in class and can often figure things out the fastest. He has good communication skills and is able to persuade others (with evidence).
4.Ali – Tom’s best friend. He is almost like a “mirror image of Tom”, and is also a quiet person that can be up to mischief at times.
5.The rest of the class. The class is a curious lot of 22 students. They know right from wrong and will follow instructions when necessary.
Main Events ·The class discusses about the party. This is to develop the personalities of the main characters.
·Jim and Ben find the wallet. This is to show more about their personalities.
·They all meet up on Friday afternoon to make preparations for the party that night. This is where the original problem arises.
·Some of them run out of balloons and go to the nearby shopping centre to buy some. The original problem.
·There, they see Tom and Ali shopping for some balloons, meanwhile holding two bottlesof food colouring. This is a chance element, so that the rest of the class would know what would happen and can be prepared.
·The party starts. Jim comes and is very surprised. To develop personalities further.
·Just then, Ali and Tom arrive. They give reasons for their arrival and then execute their plan, to play a trick on Jim. The complication.
·The trick is foiled. The solution is one that still shows the personalities of the characters.
“Why not organize a birthday party for Jim. His birthday is this Friday. We can give him a big surprise, then treat him to a delicious chocolate cake! How about meeting at his house on Friday when he is out for his CCA?” said Ben to a small group of his friends in his form class.
“Sounds nice!” Mark replied him. “Maybe some games too?”
“What? Another party? Do I really have to go? I’ll just be stuck there playing some boring party games.” Replied Tom and Ali
“That would be good, but could you please lower down your volume? This is a secret, so we don’t want him to hear us. Besides, he’s less than three meters away! Shhhhh…” said Max
“Ok! Everyone with no activities on Friday, can you please come?” said Ben. The class agreed.
Just then, their form teacher, Mr Chua, walked into the class. The students scurried back to their places and quickly greeted him.
The lesson started immediately. The whole class quietened down, except for Tom and Ali who were whispering softly to each other. Every time the teacher asked a question, Ben’s hand was the first to shoot up. There were also a few jokes; mostly from Tom. The class was relieved when he was sent out of class for spraying water at another student.
After school, Jim and Ben walked home together. On the way, Jim spotted a wallet lying on the ground. He opened it up with Ben. To their surprise, it contained a hundred dollars. Jim immediately dragged Ben to the nearby police station to report the lost wallet despite having lots of work on that day.
Wednesday passed quickly and Friday afternoon arrived. Immediately after school, the class met at Jim’s house while he was out. They decided to conduct the party in the garden, where there were two benches. Most of the students were busy decorating the place. Some of them were baking a cake, while others were happily hanging up banners, ribbons, and balloons on makeshift poles set up there. All was going well Ben and his friends ran out of supplies for the ribbons and decided to go to the nearby shopping mall to purchase more supplies.
When they reached there, they immediately started shopping. All of them split up and agreed to meet at the exit at a fixed time.
Ben saw the two “troublemakers” selecting balloons at a shelf. Each of them had a sly look on his face, and was carrying a bottle of red colouring. “That’s unusual” thought Ben. “they said they were not at all interested in the party and now they are here shopping for balloons!”
“This will make the perfect trick for Jim’s birthday party! We just attract their attention while they are cutting the cake and throw some water bombs at them!” said Tom excitedly to Ali. Both of them had a sly look on their face as Ali, the taller of the two, reached to the upper shelf for the blue balloons. After that, they went to pay for them.
Ben was startled at what was said. He wasted no time in calling the others over and telling them whet he heard. They decide to just buy the things they need and then go back to the house. They agreed that the two were going to throw water bombs at Jim, as they were know for their misconduct. However, they would just prepare some cardboard sheets and umbrellas as a precaution as they still wanted to invite everybody, including them, to add in some liveliness and humour to the party.
In Jim's house, the party started soon after. Jim was very surprised, after finding out the mastermind, he thanked everyone especially Ben, his best friend, for organising the party. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Mark went to open the door and Ali and Tom walked in. They said that they had changed their mind and then decided to come for the party. Ben thought,” here they come; we must be prepared to foil their trick if it happens.”
Everything went as planned, the songs were sung, and games were played and everyone was in a joyous mood. No one noticed the umbrellas and cardboard sheets lying under the table where the cake was to be cut.
Finally, Jim had to cut the cake. Everyone crowded around him and sang the birthday song. Just then, a shout came from across the room. Tom and Ali had directed all the attention of the guests. This was their chance to spoil the party! They immediately flung some water bombs at the birthday boy, who was facing them directly.
“Everybody, get the sheets and umbrellas!” shouted Ben. The class was perfectly synchronized and although the first volley did hit them, they were well protected after that. A couple of the paint bombs were poorly prepared and did not even burst on impact! “I really have to thank the class!” thought Jim. Next, the class walked towards the boys and confronted them. Upon seeing this, Ali and Tom dropped the bombs and ran around the house. They were finally caught five minutes later.
“Oh great. Now what?” said Tom.
“I don’t think this is going to be good.” replied Ali
“You two will clean up the table and chairs?” said Jim. The class perfectly agreed with him. Holding the party in the garden was also actually a precaution, so that the house would not be messed up. The party was moved inside the house, while Tom and Ali cleaned up the mess.
“Oh noooooooooooo!” cried Tom and Ali together. Nevertheless, they started work. Meanwhile, their parents came and reprimanded them. They promised not to do it again. The party ended about an hour later. It would be an unforgettable birthday party for Jim.
Comment I:
I like your story with its very interesting plot! Maybe the "party-in-the-garden" precaution should have been included earlier? -Gavin Jared Bala
Comment by Edgar:
I liked your clear storyline, but why does red food colouring be put in blue balloons? It should be the same colour. Anyway, first you buy food colouring for the paint bombs. Paint bombs are filled with paint, as their name suggests! Remember to keep your prank clear. You bought food colouring, mentioned it was water bombs, then paint bombs. So what is it really?
comment by sheng yeow:
i don't understand the dilema.even if there was a problem, which was the overhearing part, wasn't it solved quite quickly with not much effort? and the class obeying Jim. i know that they are flat characters, but them having all similar personalities sounds little like conformity doesn't it?
comment 2 by sheng yeow:
why did you make them find a wallet?:(?? it did not impact the plot, and it didn't do anything to any characters. ??
comment by wui seng: the last part, why did they have to start work when the party was held in the garden and not in the house? After all, if the prank was in the house the two would have to clean up. Also, why include a wallet in the story?
Comment by Yu Tse:
I don't think the dilemma is strong, and when water are sprayed and the class used the sheets and umbrellas to block, why did Tom and Ali throw the paint bombs when they should have escape? They knew that it was hard to throw the paint bombs over the sheets and umbrella, wouldn't they?
Comment 2 by Yu Tse:
I like the precaution of the venue of the party. For the wallet, I think that you are trying to develop the character of Jim. Maybe you can try to fit it in other main events, as the time when they found the wallet did not really link to the real birthday party?
Comment by ctjy:
i think u should stop using words that doesnt make sense... dont try to make more words by addin some points that arent needed.
Coment by dan: dun try to make 900 words for the fun of it; i made 1486
Comment by Jiayun:
Jeremy, i find your story's plot very interesting, about the part where the prank was returned to Ali and Tom
Comment by Bryan Bob:
The plot seems weird. Why don't you link the wallet part to the story instead of making an irelavant incident jus to develop the story. And why must they make all the umbrella and stuff instead of jus confronting the pranksters. The umbrella part does not really make sense.
Name: Jeremy Chan (2) Class: 5G Date: 21/07/09
List of Characters
1. Tom – A very playful and mischievous person who likes to play pranks on others. He is also quite talkative. He has made fun of many of his classmates, and as a result, not many people like him. Sometimes, he also likes to crack jokes in class.
2. Jim – Just a small character with no personalities
3. Ben – A curious boy, he is the smartest in class and can often figure things out the fastest. He has good communication skills and is able to persuade others (with evidence).
4. Ali – Tom’s best friend. He is almost like a “mirror image of Tom”, and is also a quiet person that can be up to mischief at times.
5. The rest of the class. The class is a curious lot of 22 students. They know right from wrong and will follow instructions when necessary.
Main Events
· The class discusses about the party. This is to develop the personalities of the main characters.
· Jim and Ben find the wallet. This is to show more about their personalities.
· They all meet up on Friday afternoon to make preparations for the party that night. This is where the original problem arises.
· Some of them run out of balloons and go to the nearby shopping centre to buy some. The original problem.
· There, they see Tom and Ali shopping for some balloons, meanwhile holding two bottlesof food colouring. This is a chance element, so that the rest of the class would know what would happen and can be prepared.
· The party starts. Jim comes and is very surprised. To develop personalities further.
· Just then, Ali and Tom arrive. They give reasons for their arrival and then execute their plan, to play a trick on Jim. The complication.
· The trick is foiled. The solution is one that still shows the personalities of the characters.
“Why not organize a birthday party for Jim. His birthday is this Friday. We can give him a big surprise, then treat him to a delicious chocolate cake! How about meeting at his house on Friday when he is out for his CCA?” said Ben to a small group of his friends in his form class.
“Sounds nice!” Mark replied him. “Maybe some games too?”
“What? Another party? Do I really have to go? I’ll just be stuck there playing some boring party games.” Replied Tom and Ali
“That would be good, but could you please lower down your volume? This is a secret, so we don’t want him to hear us. Besides, he’s less than three meters away! Shhhhh…” said Max
“Ok! Everyone with no activities on Friday, can you please come?” said Ben. The class agreed.
Just then, their form teacher, Mr Chua, walked into the class. The students scurried back to their places and quickly greeted him.
The lesson started immediately. The whole class quietened down, except for Tom and Ali who were whispering softly to each other. Every time the teacher asked a question, Ben’s hand was the first to shoot up. There were also a few jokes; mostly from Tom. The class was relieved when he was sent out of class for spraying water at another student.
After school, Jim and Ben walked home together. On the way, Jim spotted a wallet lying on the ground. He opened it up with Ben. To their surprise, it contained a hundred dollars. Jim immediately dragged Ben to the nearby police station to report the lost wallet despite having lots of work on that day.
Wednesday passed quickly and Friday afternoon arrived. Immediately after school, the class met at Jim’s house while he was out. They decided to conduct the party in the garden, where there were two benches. Most of the students were busy decorating the place. Some of them were baking a cake, while others were happily hanging up banners, ribbons, and balloons on makeshift poles set up there. All was going well Ben and his friends ran out of supplies for the ribbons and decided to go to the nearby shopping mall to purchase more supplies.
When they reached there, they immediately started shopping. All of them split up and agreed to meet at the exit at a fixed time.
Ben saw the two “troublemakers” selecting balloons at a shelf. Each of them had a sly look on his face, and was carrying a bottle of red colouring. “That’s unusual” thought Ben. “they said they were not at all interested in the party and now they are here shopping for balloons!”
“This will make the perfect trick for Jim’s birthday party! We just attract their attention while they are cutting the cake and throw some water bombs at them!” said Tom excitedly to Ali. Both of them had a sly look on their face as Ali, the taller of the two, reached to the upper shelf for the blue balloons. After that, they went to pay for them.
Ben was startled at what was said. He wasted no time in calling the others over and telling them whet he heard. They decide to just buy the things they need and then go back to the house. They agreed that the two were going to throw water bombs at Jim, as they were know for their misconduct. However, they would just prepare some cardboard sheets and umbrellas as a precaution as they still wanted to invite everybody, including them, to add in some liveliness and humour to the party.
In Jim's house, the party started soon after. Jim was very surprised, after finding out the mastermind, he thanked everyone especially Ben, his best friend, for organising the party. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Mark went to open the door and Ali and Tom walked in. They said that they had changed their mind and then decided to come for the party. Ben thought,” here they come; we must be prepared to foil their trick if it happens.”
Everything went as planned, the songs were sung, and games were played and everyone was in a joyous mood. No one noticed the umbrellas and cardboard sheets lying under the table where the cake was to be cut.
Finally, Jim had to cut the cake. Everyone crowded around him and sang the birthday song. Just then, a shout came from across the room. Tom and Ali had directed all the attention of the guests. This was their chance to spoil the party! They immediately flung some water bombs at the birthday boy, who was facing them directly.
“Everybody, get the sheets and umbrellas!” shouted Ben. The class was perfectly synchronized and although the first volley did hit them, they were well protected after that. A couple of the paint bombs were poorly prepared and did not even burst on impact! “I really have to thank the class!” thought Jim. Next, the class walked towards the boys and confronted them. Upon seeing this, Ali and Tom dropped the bombs and ran around the house. They were finally caught five minutes later.
“Oh great. Now what?” said Tom.
“I don’t think this is going to be good.” replied Ali
“You two will clean up the table and chairs?” said Jim. The class perfectly agreed with him. Holding the party in the garden was also actually a precaution, so that the house would not be messed up. The party was moved inside the house, while Tom and Ali cleaned up the mess.
“Oh noooooooooooo!” cried Tom and Ali together. Nevertheless, they started work. Meanwhile, their parents came and reprimanded them. They promised not to do it again. The party ended about an hour later. It would be an unforgettable birthday party for Jim.
Comment I:
I like your story with its very interesting plot! Maybe the "party-in-the-garden" precaution should have been included earlier? -Gavin Jared Bala
Comment by Edgar:
I liked your clear storyline, but why does red food colouring be put in blue balloons? It should be the same colour. Anyway, first you buy food colouring for the paint bombs. Paint bombs are filled with paint, as their name suggests! Remember to keep your prank clear. You bought food colouring, mentioned it was water bombs, then paint bombs. So what is it really?
comment by sheng yeow:
i don't understand the dilema.even if there was a problem, which was the overhearing part, wasn't it solved quite quickly with not much effort? and the class obeying Jim. i know that they are flat characters, but them having all similar personalities sounds little like conformity doesn't it?
comment 2 by sheng yeow:
why did you make them find a wallet?:(?? it did not impact the plot, and it didn't do anything to any characters. ??
comment by wui seng: the last part, why did they have to start work when the party was held in the garden and not in the house? After all, if the prank was in the house the two would have to clean up. Also, why include a wallet in the story?
Comment by Yu Tse:
I don't think the dilemma is strong, and when water are sprayed and the class used the sheets and umbrellas to block, why did Tom and Ali throw the paint bombs when they should have escape? They knew that it was hard to throw the paint bombs over the sheets and umbrella, wouldn't they?
Comment 2 by Yu Tse:
I like the precaution of the venue of the party. For the wallet, I think that you are trying to develop the character of Jim. Maybe you can try to fit it in other main events, as the time when they found the wallet did not really link to the real birthday party?
Comment by ctjy:
i think u should stop using words that doesnt make sense... dont try to make more words by addin some points that arent needed.
Coment by dan: dun try to make 900 words for the fun of it; i made 1486
Comment by Jiayun:
Jeremy, i find your story's plot very interesting, about the part where the prank was returned to Ali and Tom
Comment by Bryan Bob:
The plot seems weird. Why don't you link the wallet part to the story instead of making an irelavant incident jus to develop the story. And why must they make all the umbrella and stuff instead of jus confronting the pranksters. The umbrella part does not really make sense.